


For All Intents and Purposes

by SpiralCreator



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Apologies, Awkwardness, Bad Parenting, Confrontations, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2018-12-24 12:36:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12012861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiralCreator/pseuds/SpiralCreator
Summary: Shirou and Kyouko—Izaya Orihara’s parents—as well as Kichirou and Namiko—Shizuo Heiwajima’s parents—decide to have a little chat concerning their children.[Not meant to be taken seriously.]





	1. Room 808

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BaitForSoap](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaitForSoap/gifts).



Once in a while, the Informant of Shinjuku found himself traversing the streets of Ikebukuro. With his hands in the pockets of his fur-lined coat, he gleefully skipped down the cement sidewalk. In whichever way he turned his head, a new person was present. A new human to observe.

But as much as he was enjoying his time prancing about aimlessly, there were certain matters to attend to. One of which being his insufferable sisters. They had summoned him and although he often denied coming into contact with these personages, they were rather earnest this time around. Apparently, his parents—Shirou and Kyouko—had decided to pay a visit to Ikebukuro. For what reason, he was unaware of, but that did not stop him from consenting to meeting up with them. 

A picture-perfect family reunion. How revolting.

Izaya was certain that his parents, who proved to be neglectful individuals most of the time, were simply after something. Perhaps their business associates had asked about their children. Or maybe they needed a favor from a certain informant. Whatever it was, it most certainly could not be pleasant. Why Izaya agreed to meeting up with them was beyond even him. It certainly was not because he missed them (they were never around long enough for Izaya to even get to know them properly). The raven-haired male supposed that he was maybe, perhaps, quite possibly intrigued as to what they might be after. Even if only slightly.

As he arrived at the resplendent resort his parents were staying at, he let out an exhale. Dealing with such individuals was not exactly enjoyable as he would much prefer conducting schemes, completing work assignments, or even belittling Namie. Especially belittling Namie. Even so, Izaya Orihara was not one to back down from a confrontation. Yes, he often went back on his word; however, it all depended on the circumstances. And these circumstances required fulfillment.

After entering the luxurious lobby and acquiring the room information, Izaya made his way up the elevator. _Room 808_ was his destination. The ride up the lift was a rather quick one and as soon as it ended, he made his way to the specified location. As he was double-checking the room number and before he had the opportunity to knock, he heard a rather high-pitched squeal.

“Iza-nii~!” Mairu Orihara, for who else could it be? This eccentric individual had called out to him while running down the hall in his direction.

“Nii.” Kururi Orihara, for that is who it was, had also called out to him, though in a less animated manner.

After offering them a practiced smile, he greeted his two peculiar siblings. “Hello you two, I thought you’d be here earlier,” he effused with false ebullience. The meet-and-greet had not yet begun, but he already felt weary from this tiresome affair. As he turned to the door once again, he heard Mairu pipe up.

“We were waiting for you in the lobby, but then Kururi got hungry, so we went to the dining area to get a snack. When we got back, we didn’t realize you had arrived until the lady at the front desk told us you already went up the elevator. She wants your number by the way. She thinks you have a nice—”

“Alright that’s enough,” Izaya cut her off, disinterested. His parents were behind that door and he intended to see them (despite not wanting to). The quicker this matter was resolved, the sooner he would be able to go back to taunting his secretary and causing a war in his favorite city.

With renewed conviction, he knocked twice on the door, awaiting a response. At the action, he was unable to deny his heart picking up its pace. It had been awhile since he had last seen his parents—a little over two years if he recalled correctly.

From the other side of the door, he heard someone call out to him. “Oh, come inside! The door is open!” His mother’s voice. Reminding himself to remain composed, he slowly opened the door and entered, followed of course by his two younger sisters.

The sight in front of him was unexpected.

Not only were Shirou and Kyouko Orihara present, but Kichirou and Namiko Heiwajima as well. Turning his head slightly, Izaya was able to identify an additional two individuals also located in the hotel room. Before he could say anything, his youngest sister practically screamed. Not practically, most definitely screamed.

“YUUHEI-SAN!” Immediately after shouting such words, she made a dash in said individual’s direction, but unfortunately for her, her brother proved to be faster. Izaya yanked her back by the hood of her hoodie and did the same to her less boisterous sister as well.

“Yuuhei-san,” Kururi protested, attempting to extricate herself from Izaya’s unrelenting grip. As they continued to struggle, an authoritative male spoke up—Izaya’s father, Shirou Orihara.

“Let them go, _son_. They’ll be fine.” Izaya was able to discern how foreign the word ‘son’ sounded to his father. This fact was no surprise, but what was a surprise was that he even referred to Izaya as his son. They were obviously attempting to preserve their reputation and make a good impression, but that was unimportant at the moment. Despite Izaya’s distaste of being told what to do, he found arguing to be a futile effort and waste of time. There were more pressing matters to attend to.

“Anything for you, _father_ ,” Izaya acquiesced, finding no need in informing the others in the room of his relationship with his parents. Speaking of people in the room, there was one last individual left to be acknowledged.

Shizuo Heiwajima. This person was also in attendance. It was a wonder how he had not yet attacked the information broker he blamed for ruining his life. Perhaps his stoic brother’s hand on his shoulder played a crucial role in preventing such an action. His fists were balled up tightly, prepared to throw a punch. Moreover, it was evident that he was gritting his teeth, his jaw clenched in an agitated manner.

Izaya could not help the chuckle that escaped his lips at the sight. After letting out such a noise, he released his sisters who were practically jumping up and down by his sides, resisting the urge to run over to their long-time idol.

“That’s good,” Shirou spoke up again. “In that case, since you’re willing to be to be compliant, I’ll let your mother take over from here.” His father took a step back, highlighting his mother’s presence. Both were dressed in professional suits, hair done in a sophisticated manner. The Heiwajima parents, on the other hand, were dressed in calm, modest clothing. The main difference was they were dressed in color whereas the Oriharas were not.

Kyouko, in turn, took a step forward. “Now, Izaya _dear_ , we were having an absolutely darling conversation with Shizuo and Kasuka’s parents. Such a charming pair,” she simpered while making various hand gestures. “And we began discussing the topic of children. It has come to our attention that our children are simply _obsessed_ with theirs.” At this, she let out a false chuckle. Izaya refused the urge to narrow his eyes, but Shizuo was unable to resist such an urge. “Hasn’t this gone on long enough, honey? You three are grown up and this needs to stop. It is unfair of you to always torment Shizuo and harm the city in the process.” Izaya would click his tongue, but instead remained expressionless, not allowing any emotion to escape. It was rather irritating of her to assert such a statement without acknowledging the fact that Shizuo actively attempts to kill him on a near-daily basis. As these thoughts continued to be mulled over in his head, she continued speaking, turning her attention to the twins.

“And you two, it’s not very nice of you to stalk Kasuka. I understand that you’re fans of his, but that is no excuse. I didn’t raise stalkers.” _You didn’t raise them at all_ , Izaya wishes to counter. “You two need to find boyfriends closer to your age. It is unbecoming of ladies to obsess over such individuals.” This situation was absolutely laughable. Perhaps if they had paid more attention, they would be aware of their two daughters being incestuous. Perhaps if they had paid more attention, they would be aware of the ‘cat and mouse’ game occurring since high school. _Perhaps if they had paid more attention_ then they would actually know about their children, their interests, and their pursuits.

Once again addressing all of her children, Kyouko clapped her hands together. “Now that that’s out of the way, your father and I decided upon the best course of action.” Izaya quickly glanced at Shizuo’s parents. They had not said a word since the Orihara children entered. They simply remained off to the side, allowing the Orihara parents to dominate. Such soft-spoken, kind indivduals. How could they create such a monster? Refocusing, Izaya turned his gaze back to his mother.

“And what would that be?” Izaya inquired without enthusiasm. It was rare to be able to speak, much less ask a question, in his parent’s presence. It was a surreal experience to say the least. His parents often dominated conversation or simply paid their children no mind. Deciding to put those thoughts away for now, he listened intently to his mother’s ‘best course of action’.

She laughed, obviously pleased with Izaya’s apparent compliance. “Why, for you three to apologize to Shizuo and Kasuka, of course.”


	2. Key-Card 12

When his parents asked to meet up with him during the afternoon, Shizuo Heiwajima did not expect to become acquainted with another set of parents—the flea’s parents. Not only did they give birth to the worst human in existence, but the way they conducted themselves irritated Shizuo as well.

If this was supposed to be some sort of meet-and-greet, then why were they dressed in professional suits? The obvious answer for Shizuo was that they were show-offs and enjoyed acting as if they were superior. Well, at least now Shizuo knew where the flea adopted such traits. It agitated him to see them acting as if they were long time friends with his parents. Laughing and playfully touching on an unfairly intimate level. Not only that, but they were overly fake. Overdone. 

The most surprising factor, however, was that they did not greet their children normally. Most parents would hug or even kiss their offspring; however, they did not give so much as a ‘hello’ upon the arrival of their children. The exchanges between the flea and his parents raised a couple of questions in Shizuo’s head. How often did they see each other? Were they on good terms? Why did they appear distant? Were they scheming together?

Being in the same room as the flea always made him uncomfortable, but this was augmented by the fact that his family was also present. There was no telling what the pest would do in such an environment. Shizuo worked hard to restrain himself and did his best to remain vigilant. Kasuka kept a hand on his shoulder either as encouragement or as a warning. Whatever the case, it did help him maintain whatever composure he could.

The Oriharas talked for a bit and Shizuo wanted to pretend to be indifferent, but failed to do so. His levels of anger kept increasing the longer they spoke to one another. When they mentioned stalking his brother, he could feel one of his eyebrows begin to twitch. When they mentioned Izaya’s infliction of torment in such a light-hearted manner, he could not resist the glare that settled onto his face. But when Izaya’s mother instructed the Orihara children to apologize, Shizuo’s eyes widened ever so slightly.

This would be interesting.

All three of the Orihara children—Izaya, Mairu, and Kururi—paused for a moment, presumably processing the ~~demand~~ request. Once their mulling had ended, they blinked simultaneously. Mairu and Kururi looked at each other briefly while Izaya tilted his head slightly. It appeared as if Izaya was about to speak, but he was cut off by the youngest Orihara.

“Well, of course we’ll apologize to Yuuhei! But you should know that we like to say sorry with a hug!” Mairu opened and spread her arms in a manner that indicated a need for embracement.

“Hug Yuuhei,” Kururi added with slightly more enthusiasm than usual.

Instinctively, Shizuo extended an arm in front of his brother to form a sort of barrier between Kasuka and the potentially dangerous twins.

Everyone in the room, aside from Shizuo, looked at Kasuka expectantly. Shizuo could hear his brother let out a exhale before lowering Shizuo’s arm with his hand.

“Kasuka,” Shizuo protested, not wanting his brother comply to demands that could prove to be hazardous. After all, if he walked closer to the twins, he would be closer to Izaya. In response, Kasuka gave Shizuo a look of reassurance (which was not all too different from his normal expression) before calmly walking over to Mairu and Kururi. 

Kasuka barely had enough time to extend his arms for a hug before being latched upon by the two females. They held onto him tightly and Shizuo felt the need to pry them off of his brother. Seconds passed, quite a few, definitely more than what would have elapsed during a normal hug. Still, the embracing continued. It did not appear as if Mairu and Kururi were planning on releasing their beloved idol any time soon.

“Shouldn’t…” Shizuo began, but was cut off by Izaya’s mother.

“Alright, Izaya honey, your turn.” Her smile was incredibly stunning yet vicious to a great degree. It attempted to appear kind and encouraging, but came out as some sort of forceful warning.

If Izaya possessed any form of surprise or agitation, it was not evident. All was covered up with his usual look of confidence—a look that Shizuo despised.

“Of course, of course,” he waved a hand dismissively. “But first…” his grin grew as he spoke, “…I want Shizu-chan to apologize to me. If you think about it, I was wronged first. I mean, he did attempt to punch me when we first met. Therefore, I’ll apologize as soon as he does. It’s only fair, after all. I’m sure Shizu-chan’s parents would agree with me.”

It was at that, that Shizuo lost it. His glare hardened and the malice within it was undeniable. The way the flea turned situations around in his favor never failed to make Shizuo beyond agitated. Even if he had thrown the first punch, it was Izaya who had augmented the bitter hatred—having him arrested, sending gangs after him, messing with his friends and now even his family…

“You fucking flea! I’m not going to apologize to you! I’m going to kill—” once again, he was cut off, but by a different mother this time—his own mother.

“Shizuo! Stop that this instant! You need to control yourself,” Namiko, his mother, scolded harshly. She always proved to be incredibly tolerant of him and even understood that the fault was mostly Izaya’s, but speaking in such a manner was inexcusable. As much as she was put-off by the Oriharas, she found that it would be in their best interests to get along amicably for the time being.

Shizuo responded by shutting his mouth with his lips now pressed tightly together. His brows burrowed in displeasure and his fists clenched tightly by his sides. As much as he loved and respected his family, there was one thing he would not do. 

He would _not_ apologize to Orihara Izaya.

Whether or not it was a matter of pride, justice, or hatred was unknown to him, but he remained firm in his conviction. Under no circumstance would he compromise. He vehemently refused to surrender.

Wanting to dissipate the tension, Izaya’s mother laughed in that insincere manner of hers—unawkwardly and undeterred. Carefully and with just enough confidence, she placed a hand on Shizuo’s shoulder and offered him some sort of smile that was meant to be comforting. _Don’t touch me, you vile woman_ , he wished to relay to her. Meanwhile, Izaya’s father was attempting to extricate Kasuka from the twins and seemingly failing.

“It’s okay, I understand,” Kyouko began, pausing when she noticed Shizuo glaring at her hand, his detestation obvious. Unwavering, however, she kept her hand on his shoulder while motioning for Izaya to come over. Izaya merely shook his head with an amused expression. His lip was curled up slightly before he let out something comparable to a sigh.

“I’d rather not die today, if at all possible,” he quipped, seeming indifferent yet invested at the same time. 

“Izaya,” his mother called out in a stern tone.

“Kyouko,” Izaya responded plainly.

“ _Izaya_ ,” she tried again, with more of a bite.

“Kyouko.” The name was repeated again, but this time by Shirou, her husband. “I can’t get the twins off…”

“Figured it out,” she snapped with a tone of what appeared to be resentment. Quickly amending her slip, she added in a more jubilant tone, “I know you can, dear.”

At this, Izaya let out a laugh, evidently not taking the matter as seriously as his parents wanted him to. As he chuckled, the Heiwajima parents walked over to their youngest son and began helping to separate him from the two youngest Oriharas.

Kyouko took a deep breath while rubbing her temples, clearly agitated and wanting to regain composure.

“Izaya, apologize to Shizuo,” she commanded with more vexation and less enthusiasm.

“I’ve already stated my terms,” Izaya reminds before leaning against the wall both lazily and confidently. He snickered lightly, obviously pleased with how things were turning out.

“This is a waste of time,” Shizuo asserted finally. “He’s not going to apologize and I sure as hell am not going to apologize to _him_.” Izaya’s mother frowned at his words, narrowing her eyes while falling into a state of contemplation.

“For once, I agree with the beast. It appears that we are at an impasse,” Izaya chimed in. Shizuo let out a low growl of displeasure, but managed to restrain himself from doing anything else.

Kyouko did not respond for several moments. After such moments had passed, however, she finally spoke up. “Well, none of us are leaving until one of you does. So isn’t best for us to get this over with as soon as possible?”

Shizuo snorted at her words, ready to punch a hole into the wall and exit through it while Izaya glanced at the door which he was _right next to_ and could easily leave through.

“Please…” This plea was quiet and soft and gentle and everything you could associate with an ‘ideal’ mother’s voice. Namiko wanted all of this nonsense to be over. It was clear that their rivalry—Shizuo and Izaya’s—was affecting both of them. It was making them unhappy and hurting those around them. “You don’t have to be friends, but you could stop fighting meaninglessly, right?”

Izaya’s confident expression dropped and he looked at the ground, seemingly ashamed. Shizuo’s eyes widened slightly at the reaction. It appeared as if Izaya was seriously mulling over his mother’s plea. But Shizuo should not have judged too quickly as Izaya then proceeded to laugh once again before looking up and stating one word.

“No.”

With that, he left the room. And no one stopped him. Who could, after all? Silence permeated the room after that short proclamation and awkwardness quickly filled the vicinity as the twins were still attempting to be pried off of Kasuka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am tired. I am not sure what I am doing anymore.


	3. Sushi Special #3

His phone had been going off non-stop ever since he left the hotel. The loud chimes and ringing occurring every three seconds tempted him to throw away his phone, but he settled on silencing it instead. His parent’s persistence, though admirable, was incredibly annoying. How ridiculous they were. _Him_? Apologize to _Shizu-chan_? Unthinkable. The very notion was absurd to the point where it was agitating.

Izaya let out an exhale, regretting having listened to his sisters. He should not have shown up at all. Clearly, his parents had not changed — if anything, they had gotten worse. Why were they with the Heiwajimas, though? The only reason he even partook in the little meet-up was for information and evidently, he had gained none. Instead, he had lost precious time and gained a headache. But, always one to find the silver lining, Izaya determined that there were some redeeming factors of the meeting.

One, it was scintillating to Shizuo restrain himself in front of his family. It appeared as if his self-control improved in the company of his brother and parents. Perhaps he could use such information to his advantage. At their next confrontation — Shizuo and Izaya’s, that is — it may be helpful to have a family member present. Izaya could ask questions with a reduced risk of having vending machine thrown at him. And he may even receive some answers.

Two, Shizuo’s parents were soft-spoken — or maybe just in the presence of Izaya’s parents (they often had that effect on people). Either way, it did not appear as if they were overly forceful individuals (except for the moment that Shizuo’s mother scolded him; that had been amusing). All of these factors led Izaya to wonder how Shizuo had been raised and how that had shaped his unbecoming character.

Three, his own parents were incredibly insistent. Izaya getting along with Shizuo was obviously important to them and it appeared as if they wanted all of the members to get along amicably. The reason was still unknown to him, but he had to admit that he was all the more intrigued as to what their incentives and intentions were. If he asked them outwardly, it was unlikely he would receive a straightforward answer. It was no matter — he had his own resources.

Izaya continued to walk aimlessly, eventually stumbling upon Russia Sushi. Shrugging, he decided to treat himself. Today had been tiring after all, and it was only noon.

Upon entering the restaurant, Simon gave him a custom greeting, seemingly wanting to say more, but wisely keeping his mouth shut. Izaya was no longer in the mood for idle chit-chat, more preoccupied by thoughts of his parents. It would be overly quixotic of him to believe that they would simply leave him alone if he continued ignoring them. That is, he would have to address them eventually. However, for their second ‘meet-and-greet’, Izaya would decide the time and place (as well as all of the other factors). He found comfort in being in control and his parents would have no choice but to oblige to his terms if they ever wanted to come to an agreement with him.

Sighing yet again, Izaya placed his order, surprisingly not requesting fatty tuna (he did not wish to associate the taste with thoughts of his parents) and instead ordering a random expensive plate. Denis glanced at him curiously, much like Simon did earlier, but also chose not to say anything, diligently taking down his order and going to prepare it.

Izaya rubbed his temples soothingly, wondering how to resolve this matter as quickly as possible. He was a very busy person, as were his parents, so it would be best for this process to be continued along. That is, he would need to meet his parents again, become acquainted with the Heiwajima parents, find out what his parents were after, and then act accordingly in whichever way the information compelled him to. The easiest way to speed up the process, of course, was to apologize to Shizuo, but it was not as if his apology would be accepted — not that he would give an apology in the first place. Moreover, it was also a matter of pride. Even the thought of giving a sarcastic apology left a bad taste in his mouth.

As if on cue, to rid of such a taste, his plate of sushi arrived. Izaya found himself rather famished and gladly accepted the sushi, immediately placing one in his mouth — only to spit it out into a napkin a moment afterwards. Whatever he had just eaten had a revolting taste. Quickly re-checking the menu for what he had ordered, he nearly banged his head against a wall. He should have known better than to blindly trust Russia Sushi and their unique flavors.

Pushing his plate of _fish sperm sacs_ away, he took out one of his phones (not the one with over a hundred notifications) and began organizing through his meetings. Finding it too taxing, he simply texted Namie to clear his schedule for this time next week. Exactly a week from today, he decided he would once again meet with his parents. It would be an eventful appointment surely because he would invite the Heiwajima parents as well. And yes, he would even invite Shizuo.

It was the only way to find out his parents motives and resolve the issue effectively. He could not keep putting it off, after all. Perhaps he was growing as a person. In any event, he decided that he would leave Shizuo alone for the remainder of the week. It would be a more interesting meeting if Shizuo was calmer — granted he showed up at all. Izaya had the feeling he would, however. Show up, that is. Inviting his sisters seemed like a hassle, so he would leave them out of this little appointment. His excuse would be that there would be drinks. The thought of Shizuo becoming intoxicated made him laugh (to which he received confused looks from the restaurant’s other patrons), but the reason for the presence of alcohol would be to aid in obtaining information from his parents. Inebriated individuals often let crucial things slip.

If Izaya was honest, however, he was more interested in learning about Shizuo rather than his parent’s motives. Sure, he knew everything there was about the Monster of Ikebukuro — from how much he owed in damages to what his favorite dessert was (strawberry shortcake, _how juvenile_ ) — but he knew little of Shizuo’s philosophy (if the beast was intelligent enough for the capacity of such a thing). All that he knew was that by some cruel joke, Shizuo hated violence, but to delve deeper into the other’s psyche seemed like a worthwhile expedition. After all, he could destroy Shizuo’s reputation, put him into incredible debt, and even inflict physical harm upon him or his family, but it would not be satisfactory. In order to completely destroy Shizuo Heiwajima, he would have to learn what kept him up at night, to what extent he would compromise his morality, and what his greatest weakness was. Izaya had a couple of ideas, but he was always one to ascertain his hypotheses with facts.

To destroy Shizuo in every sense — physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, environmentally, and mentally — would be the greatest accomplishment. It was what Izaya desired above all. And what Izaya wanted, he obtained. If dealing with his obnoxious family meant he would finally be able to best Shizuo, then he would gladly do so.

After all, he was an Orihara. And Oriharas always reached their end goal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I need to work on updating consistently. My apologies. Happy Holidays Part 2.

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot believe I posted this. I wrote it out of boredom.


End file.
